No One Ever Calls Me Just To Say Hello
by Moonlite Knight
Summary: Artemis complained that no one calls just to say hello. Then he complained when someone called doing just that. Fickle little genius isn't he? REVISED AND COMPLETE


_**Points to Note: Revised and Completed! Yay! :D Ignore the second chapter. It doesn't exist O.O**_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Artemis Fowl. Nor do I own the quote below._

"_No one ever calls me just to say hello." _

_---Page 338. Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception, US Edition_

**No One Ever Calls Me Just To Say Hello**

Artemis Fowl was currently busy working on a very important and very secret project. A project so secret that if this authoress were to educate the kind readers about the true nature of the task, Artemis would assign Butler to hunt the kind readers down right after the authoress was silenced. So, it is quite understandable that this authoress cannot and will not inform the kind readers what the genius is currently working on.

Anyhow, the aforementioned boy genius was quite occupied with his quite significant project, but unfortunately for him, it was not for long.

_Ring! Ring!_

Artemis could not help but frown as the phone in his bedroom rang in an exceedingly annoying fashion, distracting him from his work. It crossed Artemis's brilliant mind to simply continue working and let Butler answer the call, but when the phone continued to ring and Butler neglected to appear, he discarded the idea as improbable.

Brow wrinkling slightly with mild irritation, Artemis turned away from his computer and picked up the phone, which, oddly enough, was within reaching distance.

"Hello?" he asked as he put the receiver next to his ear, feeling that the individual on the other end had better have a very good reason for calling or else that being would soon find their self unable to use any sort electronic devices they owned for a long, _long_ time.

"Hello," replied the person on the other end before promptly hanging up.

Bemused, the young boy genius stared at the receiver for a few moments. Had the line been disconnected purposely? Though it defied all possible reason, Artemis was a bit unsure about what had just occurred.

Taking a deep breath, Artemis put the phone down and turned back to his work after concluding that his project was far more important than the peculiar call.

(Here this authoress would like to add that the sole reason Artemis did this was because he still quite mystified by the phone call, but did not wish to show it, even in private, for being confused is simply something a Fowl does not do.)

However, poor Arty did not have the chance to progress too far with his essential work.

_Brinng! Brinng!_

Artemis turned in surprise to the portable phone Juliet had left in his room, for some odd reason that only she was aware of, earlier on that day. He picked up the phone and flipped it on, primarily because he wished for the infernal noise to cease.

"Hello?" he asked once again, his voice betraying very little of the irritation that was being to grow within him.

"Hello," was the reply and then the phone went dead.

It took Artemis most of his will power to just calmly replace the phone on the desk. This call made it quite clear that the previous call had not been a fluke.

_Who is this person? _He thought as he rubbed his temples, for he was quite certain that both calls had been made by the same individual. The voice pattern was unmistakable (as were the choice of words), and, despite the fact the voice had been slightly muffled, Artemis could not shake the notion that he had heard the voice before. But where?

But before Artemis could ponder further on the identity of the mystery caller, his personal cell rang. Artemis nearly smiled. Nearly. Only Butler and his parents had that number. The unknown caller did not.

"Hello?" Artemis said for the third time that day, fully expecting Butler or one of his parents to answer.

"Hello," said the mystery caller before, once again, hanging up on a very confused, and now quite annoyed, boy genius.

Artemis coolly placed the cell phone on the desk. He then closed his eyes and counted to 10 (in Chinese, in case anyone desired the information). Then he shouted for Butler.

(This authoress interrupts just for a moment to point out that Artemis _shouted_ for Butler, when he was surrounded by three phones, all which were within easy reaching distance. This should show the kind readers just how annoyed the genius truly was.)

Butler was in the room just seconds after the shout, his revolver drawn, and expecting an intruder or some other type of danger. The last thing he expected to see was Artemis, looking more exasperated than Butler could ever remember seeing, sitting at his desk, which had three phones on top of it.

"What is it, Artemis?" Butler asked, lowering his revolver. He remained alert, ready for just about anything.

"Butler, old friend, I need you to trace the last calls received on these phones," Artemis said, waving a hand in the direction of the mentioned devices.

Butler carefully concealed his surprise. He trusted that Artemis had a very good reason for this odd request. Or more accurately, he hoped.

Butler swiftly gathered up the phones and made to leave the room, only to be halted by the arrival of his sister, Juliet, who appeared at the door looking even more annoyed than Artemis currently was. And that was quite a feat.

(The authoress would like to point out that this was also something that the local boys found positively enchanting.)

"It's for you." She said shortly, holding out her neon green cell phone and, more or less, glowering at Artemis.

The boy genius made no move to accept the offered phone. Instead, he subjected it to his best vampirc glare.

Butler frowned slightly, taking note of his charge's increasingly odd behavior.

Juliet, however, appeared to be too wound up to notice anything unusual.

"Hurry up and answer it," she said, tapping her right foot impatiently.

"Who is it?" Artemis asked, but made no move to accept the phone.

"How should I know?" Juliet snapped, becoming more irritated with every passing second. "You're the one who gives _your_ friends the number to _my_ cell."

"I never gave anyone the number to your cell." Artemis objected, concentrating too hard on the cell to take note of Juliet's tone of voice.

Which was very fortunate for Juliet because if Artemis had noticed, Juliet would be spending the next few days being very careful about what she did. No one was allowed to speak to Artemis with that tone of voice and get away with it. That is, unless they were Butler, Artemis's parents, or a select few of the fairies.

"Artemis?" Butler began, attempting to distract the young genius from his sister. "Why don't you just simply answer the phone?"

Artemis was silent for a few moments as he contemplated an answer. Unable to find one that would not demean him in the eyes of his colleagues, Artemis gave in and took the phone from Juliet. Holding it cautiously to his ear, Artemis let out a very intimidating (it was amazing just how intimidating Artemis could be when he chose to) "Hello?"

"Hello." Replied the unfazed mystery caller before, once again, hanging up.

"That is it!" Artemis just barely managed to stop himself from flinging Juliet's phone at the wall. He was, however, unable to prevent his voice from growing louder in irritation.

Butler was rather surprised and highly intrigued by the outburst. How had the person on the other end managed to destroy Artemis's usually calm composure so quickly? It usually took Juliet days to accomplish what the caller had done in a matter of seconds.

In the meantime, Juliet was not entirely as oblivious to Artemis's irritation as her brother believed. It was simply great fun to needle Artemis and watch him burst. She was currently imagining the different ways she could discreetly pester Artemis about the phone call.

Artemis, on the other hand, was composing a plan to unmask the annoyingly familiar sounding, mystery caller. A plan that would, unknown to him, end in vain as the caller had made sure that it was impossible to track down the call.

Several thousand miles away and underground, Holly Short smirked and put down the phone.

_**I hope you did not think this absolutely stunk ^^ If you did think so, please say so in a polite manner, thanks! **_


End file.
